


Ain't that a kick in the head.

by steph_solaris



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms, Sherlock Holmes (Downey films), Sherlock Holmes - Arthur Conan Doyle
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-02
Updated: 2016-09-04
Packaged: 2018-02-07 04:16:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1884822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/steph_solaris/pseuds/steph_solaris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The tale of Irene Adler and Sebastian Moran's unlikely love affair, no matter the obstacles, lies, deaths, blood, guts, Jims or Sherlocks that stood in their way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First hello.

**Author's Note:**

> The warning tags are for future chapters as well as other ships that are not completely clear in the start chapter, just bear with me!

Not everything in Sebastian’s life revolved around Jim, he had his own hobbies, even love affairs. The greatest one he ever had was with the famous Irene Adler. It was an unlikely love affair, but one of the greats, fit for a great Greek tragedy-

They met, of course, in the middle of a job, or rather the start of a job, one that would last for the rest of Sebastian’s life, way before Sherlock came into the picture, way before she became “that bitch” to Jim, way before the hatred, but not back enough when they were innocent.   
Sebastian was in his usual spot, feet up on top of the desk, dirty boots, a cigarette in his mouth, unlit, of course before Jim threw another fit, and cleaning his handgun, a nice Glock 19, his favorite pass time in slow days like this,   
“Don’t you have something better to do?” Jim said with a hint of annoyance without looking up from his papers, he didn’t like seeing Sebastian sitting still even if there was nothing to do, he used to tease him he would go stale if he kept on not doing anything,   
“Nope” Sebastian replied not letting the question disturb his work, it was almost like he had in his happy place and he wasn’t about to let Jim ruin that, or anyone for that matter, or so he thought. A loud girly giggle came from the other side of the door and both men’s faces shot up, Sebastian’s feet stomping the ground, if he needed to take someone down he was going to be ready. It kept getting louder until they heard “Well alright, I’ll be right over after this, don’t be too naughty now.” Right before the door opened without any niceties  
“I’ve got something you want” she was said moving her bodacious hips in her tight white dress. Sebastian looked her up and down in a sort of awe stance but at the same time putting his gun together but experience he knew the most beautiful women were the most dangerous ones.   
“Well?” Irene spoke again after a short moment ever so forcefully pressing her breasts forward to Jim, as if that would do anything to him, Sebastian waited for any sign from Jim to shot the woman on the spot. But he remained silent, with his lips pressed together for a few long seconds,   
“Irene Adler” Jim finally said still not giving any clue to Sebastian “What could you possibly have that I want?” Jim’s deep dark eyes starred at her the way that made most people uncomfortable but not Irene, she kept her warm smile and simply said “me.” Sebastian smirked and cocked his gun hoping to at least startle the woman, but she didn’t even flinch. Now that was some joke, he was sure that Jim would order him to ‘get rid’ of her and they both go on with their day.   
“Well not all of you” Jim said sighing with the smallest smirk on his face. “What do you wish for in return?” Jim said his eyes starting look for his checkbook.   
“Protection” Irene shrugged and looked around the room finally recognizing Sebastian was in the room, she set her eyes on him as she looked him from head to toe with a smirk like she liked what she saw. Sebastian remained composed starting at her with his best poker face but inside he was smirking and blood rushed to his head. She truly was beautiful, too beautiful; if she was going to be around he would have to get her out of his system before it became a problem.   
“I’m sure you can spare at least one of your meatheads to watch over me, just for a little while until the tide comes down” Irene said taking her eyes off of Sebastian.  
“What, him?” Jim’s voice had the slightest hint of jealousy, or at least Sebastian thought so. “He will do” Irene said with a wink for Sebastian before turning back to Jim.  
“How long will this loan be for?” Jim asked realizing that having his best man looking after that woman would be the safest route.  
“No longer than a month” they both knew she was lying but that was something to deal with another day. “Fine” Jim resigned himself after a few seconds with only mild irritation. Of course nobody asked for Sebastian’s opinion, because they didn’t have to, and he was used to being treated like a piece of furniture, besides watching over a beautiful woman sounded more like a vacation to him.   
“I’ll have him stop by tomorrow” Jim waved his hand signaling Irene to leave the room but she didn’t move muscle.  
“I’m afraid tomorrow won’t do.” Irene looked down at her perfectly pedicure feet “You see I already have a tail and I am afraid I won’t make it through the night if I leave this building alone” It was clear to Sebastian then that she was terrified, and that she must have pissed off a lot of people before she came into their lives. With a fast and quiet movement he grabbed his gun and got it ready to fire.  
“Don’t you think you should’ve told us this before all the games?” Sebastian finally broke silence, it was the first time he spoke and his deep voice trembled across the room. It made Irene smile and Jim roll his eyes, always so protective and unforgiving, just like a tiger.   
“Of course you do” Jim was no longer holding back his annoyance, she hadn’t been there for that long and she was already annoying the wits out of him “Next time you bring a tail here, I will have him shoot you right between your eyes, you get that?” Jim’s voice gradually builds until it was almost like a shout. Irene’s eyes widened a bit as she noted, she didn’t speak for fear that her, it was true what they said about him, he was crazy. “I suppose now we’ll have to get rid of them too” Jim said with a sigh as he unlocked his phone and quickly typing orders away for the guards standing outside.  
“Thank you” Irene said with her most sincere tone but there was no response from either of them. Perhaps this wouldn’t be as easy as Sebastian thought, still something different to do kept the fire alive. There was a small clink coming from Jim’s phone   
“It is done” Jim looked up “Now leave us, Sebastian here will meet you at the bottom of the stairs in ten minutes” Irene relaxed, she felt light as a feather at least for the 20 minutes that it would take for the next rail to arrive.. She turned around and walked towards the door to exit with the loud clink of her high heels hitting the wood floor.   
“Going to warn him about me, love?” She said with a smirk blowing a kiss to Sebastian. It took him a second to hide his smirk, he could tell she was a very dangerous woman and that drove him crazy. “You know I don’t like being a baby sitter, Jim” he said after she had exited the room with a small smirk on his face. Jim had no reaction to him; he simply stood up from his chair and got a serious look in his face.  
“Tiger you need to listen to me” the seriousness in Jim’s voice meant business and Sebastian knew it “Under no circumstances are you to sleep with Irene Adler” This took Sebastian by surprise, was it that obvious? Did he let his mask slip?   
“You can’t really tell me who I can and can’t sleep with Jim…” it wasn’t Jim’s custom to get involved in Sebastian’s personal life like that, he got jealous from time to time but not to this extent.  
“Take it as friendly advice then” Jim’s voice was soft and he was looking away as if he was remembering something horrible, “That is the most dangerous woman in England, she alone has destroyed bloody royal families, you really don’t want to get involved, trust me.” Sebastian was intrigued, did this mean they had been together before? No way. Jim didn’t really swing that way, right? All this information intrigued Sebastian, but not in the way Jim was hoping, he really should have known better, maybe if Jim hadn’t made such a fuss things would have turned out much different, with less blood at least for sure. The danger only made Sebastian more curious about her, what is was about her that was so powerful.   
“Don’t let her seduce you, keep to yourself, do your job and come back in one piece, understood?” Jim’s soft voice was gone and the ordering boss was back, Sebastian nodded and mentally crossed his fingers, after all he wasn’t the perfect soldier. He grabbed his gun and gave Jim a small nod good-bye before heading upstairs to get his always ready going-away bag. In it he added enough ammunition to get rid of an entire army his favorite knife and flask as well as a month’s supply of cigarettes. Before exiting his room he grabbed his phone that he was to “keep on at all times” according to Jim’s orders and headed downstairs where Irene was impatiently waiting for him tapping her heels.   
“Finished packing your stockings yet? Let’s go love, we are standing like quite the targets” Sebastian sighed and went downstairs quickly without saying a word realizing she was as annoying as she was beautiful, no wonder there was a price for her head.


	2. Nice 'n' Easy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Irene and Sebastian are confined to a safe house but trouble always finds them, of course

Irene sighed as she twisted her damp hair as it hang lose, the wetness made it a bit curly which she didn’t like all that much but she wasn’t about to fix it if she wasn’t going to be seen by anyone besides him. They had been stuck together in an undisclosed flat, so private she didn’t even know where she really was; it had that stink that men have, and of course Sebastian’s endless smoking didn’t help the smell at all; it made her nose tingle. She wasn’t allowed to have a phone, she wasn’t allowed to go out, she wasn’t allowed to do much, besides eat and watch the telly. Although it occurred to her that there was something that she would do to keep her mind off of things, the only amusing thing to do, after all if he was going to be all day with her he might as well make himself useful.   
“If you could live in any era what would it be?” She shot him a look just to get a look at his reaction, he was usually such a composed man but she knew all too well that she could get under his skin, it didn’t take that much since he was losing his mind too.  
“Not that shit again” Sebastian cut her off, she had been playing that stupid get-to-know-you game since they entered the bloody flat and he’d had enough, he had no interest in getting to know her, as far as he was concerned there was no point since she was as good as dead. They could hide there all they want but she was the kind of person that thought she was much too good, and would eventually piss of the wrong person, Jim more than likely, and end up right where she belonged. But then again so was he when Jim found him, maybe he would do the same thing he did for Sebastian for Irene.   
“Go on and answer we haven’t got much to do, unless you want to go play in the bedroom, I could have you for breakfast…bite every single one of those scars, maybe even give you some new ones.” The dominatrix inside Irene often showed, sex was not much other than a pass time, or a way to make a living for her but causing a bit of pain made it more interesting.   
“…Old Gangsters I suppose” Sebastian said after a while giving in, of course he wanted to fuck her into next week but his fucked up sense of loyalty for Jim stopped him in his tracks, fuck him, and fuck her for being so goddamn tempting. “’Round the 20’s or so, with the big guns and blunt violence, that would’ve been fun I guess” he shrugged he’d seen too many movies sitting around waiting for someone to show up and kill Irene, but no one showed up, not even a fucking dog. He needed action, blood, guts, sex for crying out loud. “You?” he said with not much interest, it was better than sitting in silence.   
“You and Jim, just platonic then?” the mischief in Irene’s voice almost made Sebastian smile, still he didn’t see the question coming at all. “If you are not interested darling just tell me before you break my heart.” The smile in Irene’s face only widened, she bit her lip anxiously. She wasn’t trying to pass judgment; she herself had been part of countless relationships with girls, still she was trying to see his reaction more than anything.  
“Just how am I supposed to answer that question, really?” Sebastian was beyond tired of her shit to this point, he was close to calling whoever the fuck was after her and be done with the stupid assignment already. “Why don’t you just die? That would solve all your bloody problems, you know” Sebastian shrugged a bit, sugarcoating things wasn’t exactly his strongest suit, not that he was avoiding hurting her feelings in particular. “Fake your death of course” But if she actually dropped dead, it’s not like there would be many complaints would there? “Either you don’t know Jim all that well or you’re too deep in the shit and can’t dig yourself out so you came for his help—“  
“He needs my help too you know, it’s a two way street” Irene was angry, she had worked, hard, for everything she had and she wasn’t about to have some idiot bring her down just for being an assuming asshole, she took a second to calm down and sighed “The people that are after me would want something more than some burned corpse with my dental records to let go of their..Grudge” her voice trailed off a bit feeling a little exposed without her makeup, her whip, but she still wasn’t vulnerable, she’d never let herself, especially in front of him. She knew he was studying her, waiting for her to screw up and give himself a reason to shoot her, and reporting everything she did to Jim. “It’s not quite that simple”  
“It always is that simple” Sebastian said with a small smirk, she was one of those then, over thinkers, making everything complicated and being a pain in the ass to someone like him. “A corpse that looks an awful lot like you, face nice and bashed in, enough that no one can recognize the face, maybe even chopped to pieces. It doesn’t seem like it’s too far off what some of these people want to do to you anyway” the small smirk was still persistent in Sebastian’s mouth. He really wasn’t as dumb as he looked, he’d been with Jim long enough to know how to work with the little information he is given, if at all, and figure things out on his own.   
“You don’t know a—“Sebastian got up suddenly and put a finger to his mouth signaling her to shut up “What?”she said at full volume making Sebastian roll his eyes, he moved his finger to her mouth and mouthed the words “Shut up” with his other hand reaching for the handgun he had closest to him. There was someone outside, years of experience told him so, damn it they were found, but how? Sebastian moved slowly, like a tiger moving about before attacking its prey, they were getting closer but he knew that before he could do anything he needed to assess the situation. With his gun up he froze where he stood, and listened into the night, two, no three! Three people were scuffling about outside his supposedly off the grid location, great some action finally. “Get down” he whispered but with a clear command, if she was going to make it she was going to have to listen to him. Irene grabbed a gun, not that she had any idea how to use it, and got behind the couch, that worked in the movies, right? She was scared, sweat dripped from her forehead and she felt her hand trembling as she held the gun with both hands, it was ok to be vulnerable now, where no one could see her. She took a few deep breaths as she tried to calm herself, it was going to be fine, her research into Jim’s men told him Sebastian was the most qualified, but there was no rationalizing the paralyzing fear that had her trembling. It was then that she heard the first shot, she covered her mouth to cover her unsuspecting whimper, it shook her, she had never heard a gun go off this close to her before, it was loud and it made her ears ring. More shots, more screams, more sounds of things breaking it seemed like the longest time of her life. She did not dare look up, who was winning, who was still alive she had no idea, she cursed to herself, why did she just ask for one man, what if he was dead already “fuck” she whispered, this could be her last moment, and her hair is not even done. Then just like as the shooting started it came to an end, a dead silence. She gulped, and closed her eyes, if she was going to die, she might as well go out with a bang. She gripped the gun with her hand and placed her index finger on the trigger, and just as she was getting ready to fire a familiar raspy voice called her name.   
“It’s safe to come out now” he said as the adrenaline was still flowing through his body. He was sure they were alone now. Irene slowly came out of her hiding spot, looking down first to the three bodies lying in front her, such an ugly business, death. She walked with caution slowly composing herself, hiding her deep fear, and her intense gratitude with a snarky comment. “Well you’ve certainly earned your pay to—“she cut herself off noticing the blood coming from her guards side. Sebastian frowned as he noticed her stare and looked down. “Oh” he said simply, “well…shit”, the adrenaline still in his body helped him not feel any pain, not yet anyway. “You’re fine, yes?” he said looking over her, no blood, great, at least it was a bit of fun, while they lasted, he thought. Irene open her mouth but couldn’t form words, was he serious? That was his question? Two stared at each other for a second before a phone rang, they both quickly realized that it was not theirs but rather one of the corpses that was being chased. “We have to go” Sebastian said as he used his long legs to step over one of his victims. Irene couldn’t believe what was happening before her. “Now!” Sebastian growled, he was already planning to leave her behind if she did not move quickly. Irene shook herself out of her trance, “you are not driving like that” she murmured while grabbing her bag, which was by the door, as instructed. Sebastian winced, the pain starting to hit him now. Shit, she was right. Sighing he gave her the keys, “Then you do it, but we have to go now” he said moving towards the door, they knew where they were and more people could come get them. Irene took the keys and quickly followed him, doing her best to not step in any blood.  
Sebastian barked directions to her while he held to his side clearly in an incredible amount of pain, and Irene did her best to memorize where they were going, maybe she could call a few favors in and get more people to look after her. Before long they were at a house, it was dark and plain looking. “Let’s go” Sebastian said as he struggled to get out of the truck with his bag of guns an added strain to his already painful body. He was bleeding a lot, and he needed care now. He opened the door leaving a clear mark of blood by the front door and collapsed on the first chair he could reach. Irene locked the door and set her bag down eyeing the new house. It was clear it had not been used in quite some time but it still had some class to it, she would not expect anything else from Jim. They had made it another night and as soon as that man found a way to stop his bleeding all over the floor she could rest while she planned how to escape her persecutors, this had already gone on much longer than she thought and some of her clients were beginning to wonder where The Woman had gone off to this time. Sebastian sighed as he lifted his shirt, just a graze, something he could take care on his own. He looked at Irene again as he got up to get the first aid kit, there was something about her that he did not trust, not to mention that he still had to figure out what was going on, and who gave their location up, only Jim’s men knew where they were, which meant there was a rat inside his organization. Fan-fucking-tastic, not only did he lose his favorite secure house, he was now on his own looking after…her, he did not know who to trust and he certainly did not trust her, this was going to be a long night and an even longer month.


End file.
